I am a perpetual student

 

 

Being a perfectionist, I couldn’t help but twitch when I read this blog post.

I dread that this might be referring to someone like me, who fears rejection so much that she avoids putting herself out there a little more than she should. Do I use learning as an excuse to forgo submitting my work so I don’t have to receive a rejection letter? Do I hide behind any criticism made toward me and my dream as an excuse?

Some days, I am a perpetual student. I get caught up in learning instead of doing. In these moments, my fear of risk is at an all time high. I hide behind excuse after excuse. But this isn’t a constant. When I am in the zone, I bottle up this fear of rejection and give myself fully to the craft.

Occasionally, I use learning as a crutch. But more often, I use it as a motivator. One more thing that can boost my knowledge can often boost my confidence. The past few months I had my head stuck in ebooks for writing classes, book clubs, and for my own pursuit of knowledge. I am more confident in my abilities and in the process of sending my work out to various publishers. I have new ideas, new inspiration—and if I get caught up in a setback, I can always go back to the books for a little while.

Often fears are setbacks so I work diligently to overcome them. And as always, it is a process…

 

Ways I work through the fear

writing this blog

writing about what I learn to help me move forward

“learning new approaches and methods to photography” (this applies to writing too)

 

What I need to work on

fear of rejection

This will always be an issue because I care so much about what people think of my work. But I will not let it hold me back from pursuing my goals.

soliciting feedback

I used to post sections of writing projects and poetry for critique and I haven’t done that in so long.

completing projects

I use my classes, or my toddler as an excuse. But as a freelance writer with deadlines, I don’t have the option to use these excuses.

I loved learning since birth and that will never stop. But once I gradually change the focus of learning to balance it with completing all of my work, no matter what the outcome may be, I can call myself a perpetual student, and a professional.