who’s going to read my blog?

we can handle anything!!

Do you ever want to keep your blog from family or friends? I do. Sometimes I’d rather have a complete stranger comment on what’s going on in my life instead of someone I’m close to. I don’t open up if I know my family is reading something I wrote because some of them can be extremely judgmental. It’s not their fault—it’s in their nature. When I do something really well, they are the first to tell me too. But their opinion matters so much that hiding my life from them is the easy route. They can’t judge what they don’t know.

I hate that the idea of the people I love reading my work can hold me back. In extreme situations, it prevents me from putting quality work out there. I’m tired of being afraid of what they’ll think and it’s about time I come clean.

What I did to hold back:

I held off on blogging for a long time.

When I do blog, the entries are short and sweet.

I have trouble discussing what projects I’m working on, what online classes I’m taking, or how my projects are coming along.

I don’t tell all that I could about my toddler, my writing, my career goals or my music.

When anyone I know gets critical, I hold off on saying anything else until the work is as complete as it can possibly be.

I’m not blaming anyone for my mistakes. I’m not afraid to make mistakes either. But when everything you do can potentially be a mistake in their eyes, is it really worth it to divulge? They can be supportive and positive but why take the chance of it falling in the other direction? What about the times they weren’t supportive? When any career choice I had was the wrong one in their eyes, I had to keep to myself so I could move forward. I wish I never had  to hold back so much. As I write this blog, I feel like the holding back helped and hurt equally. It wasn’t always a bad thing.

I’ve been told so many times not to let what other people think bother me. It’s by the same people that care so much about what people think that it makes their eyes twitch. I can play guitar in front of a hundred strangers and I’m fine. When the people I love enter the room, that’s when I feel nauseous. What the hell are they going to think? I’m going to see them again so I have to live with their reactions…forever!

I hold back to my family when it comes to my son too. If I make one comment about something he’s eating or doing, it gets thrown out of proportion. If I take him to eat fast food, he’s automatically a fast food junkie. If I feed him fruit, I’m giving him too much. If I do ABC, then they’d tell me I should have done XYZ. You get the idea…

I’m confident that I’m raising a good boy. I’m confident that my writing career will flourish if I keep up with the work. It makes life a lot easier when I keep these experiences  about my life and career to myself. But I know that doing that all the time could go too far. If their criticism made me grow, then I wouldn’t feel the need to hold back as much. But at this time, whether it’s what I say, or how I react—it holds me back.

There’s nothing wrong with a little privacy for myself, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. I don’t want to come close to being controlled by anyone else’s potential thoughts. So my first step was acknowledgment. The next step was to write this blog. Now, we’ll see where it goes from here. I will keep you posted. As always, thanks for the support. That includes family, friends, acquaintances, and anyone passing by…

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